Yearn to be like Him

This past week has been extremely tough for me. It just seems as if I want to stuff infinitely many events, meetings, and fun times out with friends into non-existential hours of time that I only have. I am unraveling myself, oh so thin it feels. To the point of where I may wake up from a 10 hour sleep feeling as if I had just finished pulling an all-nighter.

Like one of my close friends has frequently told me. I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. Wanting to achieve this set of prestigious grades to end up on the President’s Honour Roll, of wanting to cram as many commitments and volunteer opportunities into my schedule because I want to build that flawless resume, and even wanting to build a desirable and beautiful community for my sisters at my Church. All this planning and time being spent into wanting to perfect a schedule that God will truly be proud of – it’s making me feel as if I have a million lego blocks in my bucket that I am using to sculpt my life; but seemingly, feeling as if I am drowning rather than enjoying, in the rainbow collectiveness of colours.

I want to do all this and more, because I believe that the more that I do, the greater the sense of purpose I feel for this life of mine. The more time I can spend in building and mending the friendships that I have. The happier and more joyous memories I can accumulate for this Summer that I had envisioned to be the best of the best.

This morning, I was a crybaby once again. I always do this one quirk of mine where when I go in front of our Lord, I reflect on the past week’s happenings. I think (oh I do this way too much!) about whether it was a worthwhile week. Did I do what I wanted to? Did I accomplish all that I had set about within my mind? Did I uphold all the promises and commitments that I had taken upon myself? Was I the best I could have been? On many weeks, I was proud of what I had decided to devote my time to. On the odd weeks, I had felt sad, guilty, and shameful. Not progressing as much as I had hoped. Of not being there within the midst of my Father regularly; seeking His shelter and warmth in growing spiritually.

Today, I had felt the deepest of lows in a while. This feeling of being very unforgiving towards myself of not being the daughter I had set out for myself within the course of this Summer. “Why?” I would question myself countless times and over. What was it that had made my time disappear to the point of oblivion? The time that I wanted to devote to my Father, they seemingly became filled with priorities that I somehow had to do, and God became second.

To relinquish control of my time and my desires. To not have to hold myself accountable, each and every day – to some cause without reason. I had felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of my repentances. But God, I pray. Would you take them away and give me a clear head in distinguishing what is important, what is not, and being rational to really commit time into that which you have assigned purpose and belonging to; truly cultivating it to become something worthy that I am to surrender to you.

God, you are wonderfully amazing. Beautifully merciful, and I am proud to be a Child of God who will relentlessly yearn for your passions to consume me in becoming one like you. 

Be Silly

 

God My Saviour

I have found another song in which I was moved to tears. I have at times, when I come before our Lord – felt ashamed, guilty, lost, confused, and a whole array of emotions in which I feel unworthy to stand before Him. It is not that I have committed a slew of sins, but rather that I have kept him in the background of some of my decisions; rather than the forefront in which we should aim for.

He is my favourite. In this world and in the Heavens. I cannot dream of spending eternity with anyone else. But what is it about certain people I meet in my time here on earth where they captivate me to such lengths, that I become someone else. A different person in my values, beliefs, words, actions – in that instant, I have become someone else. Mostly, it is for the worse, and not for the better.

I know I am to keep our Father as my compass. As the True North for whatever it is that I decide to take on – He knows what is right. Because he sees and is the will, the way, my everything.

But I am thankful. For in the times of when I was at my lowest, I have met people whom God has put into my life to shepherd me and my decisions. They have given me honest thoughts and words that I only gather confidence and wisdom from. And I know it was because of Him, that I was to meet them at that time. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. And I have come to realize, life cannot only be filled with happy moments – because without those lows, we cannot truly put our faith to works, in overcoming obstacles, challenges, despair, and hurt.

Help me O Lord, to take whatever wounds or hurts I may have in life, and just lower them into your hands. Help me to not fret, worry, cry, frustrate – because those are all useless, when you are the one who holds what is to come, in just the pinky of your hands.

I thank the Lord for being there for me when I needed Him most. And to help me realize that in those moments when I am weary and tired, He is there comforting me to see – all that He has prepared for me, if I am to open my eyes and see.

His love on the line for us – day by day He is there and guiding us patiently with his mercy, grace, humbleness, and beautiful and whole, love.

Today

Today I went to Sunday service. I was not in the best mood to be at service. I was tired, moody, and also reluctant to attend. But somehow the happiness of being able to sing praises and listen to my Father’s words were what ultimately brought me before Him.

What I felt today was that although there may be times when we may not want to go before Him, or do what He wants us to do – we should. We should because he gave His son to us at a time when we needed Him most, but didn’t realize.

This song reminds me that whatever in life is bringing us down, either it be relationship or work troubles, we have our Lord. And that is enough. That will always be enough.

So thank-you God. Thank-you for showing me that with my decision to follow you, there

is no turning back.

But I am happy for that because I want to be Your daughter for all of eternity.

Help me to show Your works. Shine the light of Your great works, so that others may see of our magnificence and come to know of You.

G

Hello, My Name is – Matthew West

I still remember the first Sunday our church had sang this song together at Service. After Praise & Worship was over, the pastor had jokingly went up and asked “Do you know what your name is now?” There were definitely some chuckles and hoots coming from the audience.

It’s funny. A name is what defines you immediately when you meet someone. Introductions, speeches, greetings – they usually start with: “Hello, my name is _____”. Some love their name, others loathe it.

Honestly, I do not care what my name is. Whether it has 4 letters or 9, 2 syllables or 4 – it has never truly mattered. However, I am proud to say I am a Child of the One True King. Knowing He is my Father, here for me through anything – regretful, sad, happy, joyous times. That is all that truly matters. Not my name, rather who I am to Him.

What love the Father has lavished, upon us that we should be called His children. I am joyous to say that my name is Child of the One True King.

Knowing I am changed and have been set free, delights me beyond anything.

May you all know that our Father in Heaven will always be there with you through anything. Just trust.

Blessings,

G

Gratefulness

The tips of Music

Sometimes I wonder if I’m truly doing enough for Him. Is He satisfied with how I am living out my life; given the second chance I was. Am I truly craving Him in everything that I do, in everything I say, in the people I meet, in the words I speak? Can I do more?

My fingers onto those keys; hearing the voices quickly but quietly guide through all the octaves; a sense of empowerment it is. I’m very, very, grateful to the Lord for granting me a pair of hands that can produce beautifully spoken dissonances through the notes on a piece of paper. Reading the curls and dots that each note portrays and translating it through the fluid motions of my fingers pounding up and down on the numerous keys; I’m grateful for this. Although at times life overwhelms me with the dreaded deadlines and written exams, when I am chosen as one to serve with my hands to touch those around me with the wonderfully composed hymns and songs, I am thankful.

I pray that the Lord will continue to watch over those whom serve in their church. May we spread His glory throughout. May He bless each one of us with power and strength to show our faith through all that we may do. May He

open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
Isaiah 42:7

Blessings to another Sunday!