So much frustration is on my mind right now. It honestly seems as if I’ve become one of those I’ve only read, or heard of before. You know those people whom never say no to anything, or promise to do whatever you ask them to? I feel as if I’ve succumbed to becoming one of “those”. It can be rather frustrating sometimes. I feel as if I have no time to myself or even to be with my Father. Time that I want to set aside to blog, to do my devotionals, to just do what I love, to be with who I want. I’m so tired.
Maybe this post can be seen as a sad post. As it is filled with my complaints and also anger as I express my thoughts from the past week. Of deadlines looming. Of marks being received. Of people’s expectations falling flat, or being set too high. There’s just too much that I have to be accountable for. Unfortunately, that was the image I built for myself over the years.
One of the bravest things I’ve done over the course of this year so far was talking to you 🙂 I am still rather giddy about it and cannot believe I had the courage or strength to do so. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that was within me to allow the words I’ve wanted to tell you since Day One I saw you, to flow through me.
Unfortunately, do we have much to talk about? No, I do not think so. Although at times, I believe we do favour and desire each other’s company. However, the lack of chemistry or history is still rather blatant in the silences that fill the air between us. My questions are prodding at times. You still seem to want to answer them wholeheartedly.
But I feel as if this is not how friendships are developed. The strain and also the worry of wanting to not disappoint the other is … disappointing in itself. And even learning that you are not what I thought you to be, I was extremely giddy to learn that you were at the event on a Sunday. You surprised me. The Lord did answer my prayers. I would want to know how the event went for you.
I feel as if my blog posts are incomprehensible for those whom do not know the foreground knowledge that comes within my posts. Just know, I would give anything in the world for us to work. You have currently become my most favouritest person in this world, thus far.