Yet another time comes by where it seems I can’t focus on much. I can’t accomplish much without having to be distracted by a fleeting thought of “What is your name?”. Has this happened to me before? Yes, actually – quite recently, in the July of this year. It seems the cycle is not lengthening as it has in the past, but it has become such of a shorter routine. I have come to become quite easily mesmerized; quite simply because of traits I vie for in myself, but have often come short of.
This moment – which I will come to describe, is quite paradoxical really. I have always done this to someone else, yet I have never come to experience it myself.
Seeing you out of the corner of my peripheral vision, I contemplated whether it would be surprising for me to speak to you. For when I spoke to him this year, it took my utmost amount of courage I had conjured up – yet when I was faced with the same decision yesterday, I could not do it. Possibly it was also because of the mood I was in – moody, indecisive, and longing for more.
You sat behind me. I looked far into the skies and the trees, seeming to search for more. Where I looked, you also saw. When I hastily looked away from inside the passenger’s seat, you followed suit. You seemed to trace every sight I lay my eyes upon. Your scent was not sweet, nor was it savoury. Not even an inch close to what he once smelled like. You had your own unique scent that was.
For when I pulled the cord to signal my departure – I was a bit hoping you would also take the same descent as me. I had no courage to look behind me – to see whether you were following me out. I have become one that is more cowardice than vice. Either it be that I am growing up, or that I have become much less passionate to chase what I want; I only regret not taking that chance.
What is your name?