Yearn to be like Him

This past week has been extremely tough for me. It just seems as if I want to stuff infinitely many events, meetings, and fun times out with friends into non-existential hours of time that I only have. I am unraveling myself, oh so thin it feels. To the point of where I may wake up from a 10 hour sleep feeling as if I had just finished pulling an all-nighter.

Like one of my close friends has frequently told me. I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. Wanting to achieve this set of prestigious grades to end up on the President’s Honour Roll, of wanting to cram as many commitments and volunteer opportunities into my schedule because I want to build that flawless resume, and even wanting to build a desirable and beautiful community for my sisters at my Church. All this planning and time being spent into wanting to perfect a schedule that God will truly be proud of – it’s making me feel as if I have a million lego blocks in my bucket that I am using to sculpt my life; but seemingly, feeling as if I am drowning rather than enjoying, in the rainbow collectiveness of colours.

I want to do all this and more, because I believe that the more that I do, the greater the sense of purpose I feel for this life of mine. The more time I can spend in building and mending the friendships that I have. The happier and more joyous memories I can accumulate for this Summer that I had envisioned to be the best of the best.

This morning, I was a crybaby once again. I always do this one quirk of mine where when I go in front of our Lord, I reflect on the past week’s happenings. I think (oh I do this way too much!) about whether it was a worthwhile week. Did I do what I wanted to? Did I accomplish all that I had set about within my mind? Did I uphold all the promises and commitments that I had taken upon myself? Was I the best I could have been? On many weeks, I was proud of what I had decided to devote my time to. On the odd weeks, I had felt sad, guilty, and shameful. Not progressing as much as I had hoped. Of not being there within the midst of my Father regularly; seeking His shelter and warmth in growing spiritually.

Today, I had felt the deepest of lows in a while. This feeling of being very unforgiving towards myself of not being the daughter I had set out for myself within the course of this Summer. “Why?” I would question myself countless times and over. What was it that had made my time disappear to the point of oblivion? The time that I wanted to devote to my Father, they seemingly became filled with priorities that I somehow had to do, and God became second.

To relinquish control of my time and my desires. To not have to hold myself accountable, each and every day – to some cause without reason. I had felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of my repentances. But God, I pray. Would you take them away and give me a clear head in distinguishing what is important, what is not, and being rational to really commit time into that which you have assigned purpose and belonging to; truly cultivating it to become something worthy that I am to surrender to you.

God, you are wonderfully amazing. Beautifully merciful, and I am proud to be a Child of God who will relentlessly yearn for your passions to consume me in becoming one like you. 

Be Silly

 

God My Saviour

I have found another song in which I was moved to tears. I have at times, when I come before our Lord – felt ashamed, guilty, lost, confused, and a whole array of emotions in which I feel unworthy to stand before Him. It is not that I have committed a slew of sins, but rather that I have kept him in the background of some of my decisions; rather than the forefront in which we should aim for.

He is my favourite. In this world and in the Heavens. I cannot dream of spending eternity with anyone else. But what is it about certain people I meet in my time here on earth where they captivate me to such lengths, that I become someone else. A different person in my values, beliefs, words, actions – in that instant, I have become someone else. Mostly, it is for the worse, and not for the better.

I know I am to keep our Father as my compass. As the True North for whatever it is that I decide to take on – He knows what is right. Because he sees and is the will, the way, my everything.

But I am thankful. For in the times of when I was at my lowest, I have met people whom God has put into my life to shepherd me and my decisions. They have given me honest thoughts and words that I only gather confidence and wisdom from. And I know it was because of Him, that I was to meet them at that time. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. And I have come to realize, life cannot only be filled with happy moments – because without those lows, we cannot truly put our faith to works, in overcoming obstacles, challenges, despair, and hurt.

Help me O Lord, to take whatever wounds or hurts I may have in life, and just lower them into your hands. Help me to not fret, worry, cry, frustrate – because those are all useless, when you are the one who holds what is to come, in just the pinky of your hands.

I thank the Lord for being there for me when I needed Him most. And to help me realize that in those moments when I am weary and tired, He is there comforting me to see – all that He has prepared for me, if I am to open my eyes and see.

His love on the line for us – day by day He is there and guiding us patiently with his mercy, grace, humbleness, and beautiful and whole, love.

Simplicity [Rend Collective]

I was recently introduced to this lovely tidbit of a song from one of our awesome P&W leaders. As he had brought this song up, he had mentioned that at first he thought this was a love song. He had thought this song to be a love letter to a beloved.

The lyrics are beautiful. My love for my Father is great. I cannot imagine loving anyone more than Him. His love for us is what gave us the breath to breathe today, the ability to wake up. His will is what made me exist in the first place.

“To worship you, in spirit and truth, only you.”

“You’re the reason I sing. The reason I sing. Yes, my heart will sing. How I love you.”

Please, enjoy this song on this day that our Lord has created for us.

Charge On!

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It is done. All done.

Students of all ages look forward to the day when exams, assignments, tutorials, lectures, and deadlines come to an end. With that day comes freedom; at least for a couple of weeks.

Summer 2014. What a summer. New experiences, new friendships, new self-discoveries. I would not trade this Summer over for anything.

In regards for our VBS camp… I am so very proud! Watching 45 kids learn, dance, sing, rejoice, and praise our God was astounding. For those kids whom this experience was a first to learn about our God, having such devoted and amazing leaders and teachers to explain our God and what he does is good. God is good! Everything turned out great in the end even despite some hiccups in staff scheduling. I can’t wait for next years’ camp!

School-wise, I am satisfied with how I had come about tackling the numerous tasks school brings. Not as uptight as I previously was, but still cared enough to not completely let myself down. I think all of us care about everything to some extent. Can’t wait for next semesters’ classes!

Spiritually, I found I did not put enough time aside to be with my Father. This is a huge flaw that I constantly am angry with myself about. It is slowly getting better as I have more time on my hands now, however, I wish that this could be a consistent even when I have other commitments happening alongside.

To up my time-management is a daunting task as it has never been my forte – but bring it on! In Him, I believe I can do anything.

Whom Shall I Fear

There’s much to fear in this world sometimes, death, sickness, the loss of a loved one, broken relationships, unemployment, poverty, ends not being met… and the list goes on. But holding on to our God and knowing all will be alright in the end gives us comfort even the best medicine cannot bring. Let us lay all our troubles down in front of Him.

Praise, Praise, Praise!

Praise! Praise! Praise to the Lord, our great Creator! He who made all, who breathed life into us, who formed us from the dust on the ground beneath our soils to living, walking creatures. Oh, He is great. Prayers are always heard when spoken to our Lord. He hears us and though sometimes it may seem as if we are alone, we are not; He is with us through any and everything. Especially demonstrated through the praise-worthy poem “Footsteps”, it illustrates that we are never alone, the Lord walks with us through every hardship and struggle we have in life. 

I thank the Lord. He has made my voice just that notch louder today. Though it still isn’t my original voice, seeing progress as my voice slowly returns is an amazing thing to witness. Our Lord’s great power towards restoring my voice to speak in this world. 

Never take for granted anything in life. It was never yours to begin with. Our Lord gave it to us, but he can also take it away any second. The next step you take you may end up on the ground, clutching for your next breath, wondering how it had come down to this. But our Lord is merciless, he has grace, he is love. 

Even through unimaginable circumstances he is there with us. It is our faith in Him that saves us. Be thankful for all that you have. Don’t waver in your faith for Him. Be proud that you are a child of this great and almighty God. 

He is love. Let me learn to become the child whom he has paved my path to go with this life. Let me lower my burdens and worries unto Him. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34.

May we remember to keep Him as the focal point of our lives, striving to do all that please Him and to help others along their journey in getting to know and love Him deeply.