Care

You realize life’s many waves.

One moment you may be happy and carefree, knowing all is well. The next, you realize there are many shatters beneath the top; waiting to surface in those unpredictable moments. Why is it so hard for us to cling onto happiness and comfort?

Seeing you through the lens of this which I’ve called my own and destined for capturing those around me, I was happy. But as one retreated into the depths, there was no solace remaining.

Can you see? Or can you merely realize. Those who do not have, always pick out the gaping hole in that which they have. But those who have, never fully realize the extent of the value they hold. Lucky, aren’t they?

As the days go by, and the many setting of the sun’s, accompanied by the rises. Will I be the one who forgoes the desire that so easily roots and stems itself within me? Why do I let this pod take place, when I already know of it’s many disappointments and voids that it has frequented in the past?

Maybe it’s because my remembrance is fleeting, while my memories dwell. Memories that I let linger through the many captures that I take on a daily basis. Memories that engrain themselves within me, with the subject’s presence abiding; without permission, but encompassing reluctance.

He wanted people to like his mind again – after awhile it might be such a nice place in which to live.

This Side of Paradise. 

  • Fitzgerald

The mind is the dominating organ that intrigues me; above all else. Like a friend once mentioned, it is also the organ that can come to odds with your faith. Do you let this come between you and what your soul rests in, or do you choose to walk away? Isn’t it peculiar how one does not want to be questioned or left behind, but also cares for those whom she places her utmost respect in – to even want to obtain certainty from; those she realizes the displeasure that may result.

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Someone far and locked up, may you find your own

To the Good Ol’ Days

After the excited initial feels of being in a new country, the stark surroundings and lack of familiar faces started to strike…

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It was only in the first few weeks that I met the other exchange students. The first friend I befriended was this one guy whom I would come to know, at a medium level (RHS – Sunny Sun). The smartest guy around, but also the goofiest and is often all over the place (literally). He introduced me to other people, and I will always remain thankful for that. Too smart for his own good, and too silly to realize that. Always bringing laughter in every sitting.

The other 2 are my mains! POPO and FIFI will always have your back. Whether it is in the form of sharing cake with you, cooking food for you, or just travelling to wherever you want. They are down.

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Sight: Charles Bridge, Prague
Mains: Popo & Fifi & Gigi
“Why walk when you can selfie?”

I am also thankful that in the beginning I was able to befriend some of my roommates. It was cool being able to live close to friends whom you could cook and chat late into the night with. They were older, wiser, and most often than not, very fashionable in an eccentric way. Overall an awesome role model for me. We all come from different backgrounds, but we’re also to meet during this term at the same University. Although I believe the best of times are often had at the most spectacular places, it is most likely the people whom are around, that make those days extra special. I learned to cherish this fact over the course of my exchange.

Here are some snippets of the residence I lived at while in Bath. I am also glad that I was able to find a family in Church and grow closer to each one of them. There is too much to say about everything that happens on exchange, but I would like, day by day, annotate it to you.

Although I’ve walked this path multiple times. That day I took these photos, I could sense that when the day came I took my last step away from this place – I would miss it dearly • Thornbank Gardens: during this period, I learned to fend for myself. This will always be my home away from home. Close to P, J, S, F, M, S, S, J, P, G & A.

IMG_1904That time I couldn’t stop playing with my phone. I realized my pictures would be nothing without knowing the stories of the people who litter my every album and populate the places I’ve been to with their smiles.

Thanks for coming along this ride with me. Europe, you’ve instilled a spark in me that I thought had long been put out. I know I’ll be back soon, don’t forget me just yet!

Yearn to be like Him

This past week has been extremely tough for me. It just seems as if I want to stuff infinitely many events, meetings, and fun times out with friends into non-existential hours of time that I only have. I am unraveling myself, oh so thin it feels. To the point of where I may wake up from a 10 hour sleep feeling as if I had just finished pulling an all-nighter.

Like one of my close friends has frequently told me. I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. Wanting to achieve this set of prestigious grades to end up on the President’s Honour Roll, of wanting to cram as many commitments and volunteer opportunities into my schedule because I want to build that flawless resume, and even wanting to build a desirable and beautiful community for my sisters at my Church. All this planning and time being spent into wanting to perfect a schedule that God will truly be proud of – it’s making me feel as if I have a million lego blocks in my bucket that I am using to sculpt my life; but seemingly, feeling as if I am drowning rather than enjoying, in the rainbow collectiveness of colours.

I want to do all this and more, because I believe that the more that I do, the greater the sense of purpose I feel for this life of mine. The more time I can spend in building and mending the friendships that I have. The happier and more joyous memories I can accumulate for this Summer that I had envisioned to be the best of the best.

This morning, I was a crybaby once again. I always do this one quirk of mine where when I go in front of our Lord, I reflect on the past week’s happenings. I think (oh I do this way too much!) about whether it was a worthwhile week. Did I do what I wanted to? Did I accomplish all that I had set about within my mind? Did I uphold all the promises and commitments that I had taken upon myself? Was I the best I could have been? On many weeks, I was proud of what I had decided to devote my time to. On the odd weeks, I had felt sad, guilty, and shameful. Not progressing as much as I had hoped. Of not being there within the midst of my Father regularly; seeking His shelter and warmth in growing spiritually.

Today, I had felt the deepest of lows in a while. This feeling of being very unforgiving towards myself of not being the daughter I had set out for myself within the course of this Summer. “Why?” I would question myself countless times and over. What was it that had made my time disappear to the point of oblivion? The time that I wanted to devote to my Father, they seemingly became filled with priorities that I somehow had to do, and God became second.

To relinquish control of my time and my desires. To not have to hold myself accountable, each and every day – to some cause without reason. I had felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of my repentances. But God, I pray. Would you take them away and give me a clear head in distinguishing what is important, what is not, and being rational to really commit time into that which you have assigned purpose and belonging to; truly cultivating it to become something worthy that I am to surrender to you.

God, you are wonderfully amazing. Beautifully merciful, and I am proud to be a Child of God who will relentlessly yearn for your passions to consume me in becoming one like you. 

Be Silly

 

To The Good Old Days

I was reminded by a dear friend today of something very important. Morals of life always seem to pop out at me at the weirdest and yet, coincidently, important times. I thank her for this wisdom which she bestowed upon me.

Why make life difficult? Why make it stressful for oneself when you can bathe in happiness, without it even being of your control? Why must you exert control over everything you touch or see? Is it worth the misery of wondering “what-ifs” and “however’s”?

Let me to let you be happy. To be fortunate in all that you do. But let our paths align for as long as it possibly can. I think you are one amazing being, and with the smiles you direct at others, it is a blessing to have known you personally.

Let us be of who we were of once. To the good old days when we were innocent and kind, gentle yet firm, and also curious but present. Let us dwell in the times of innocence. Gentleness. Reminiscence of vowels. Reminiscence of sounds.

Have you heard this before?

The Year of 2014

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Another year. Another memoir. Today is the first day of a new year. 2014 has finished. All the stories, the memories, the happiness, the sadness, the tears and the joy; has finally come to an end. With the start of 2015 comes a new year of successes, journeys, missions; paths for us to take. If you think back to the year of 2014, how would you describe it? Would it have been a year of joys of reuniting with family, a year of success with the utmost happiness finally achieved, or the sadness of having failed yet again at something you really wanted? Or that one love who you thought would finally be in your hands, but had to let go off due to circumstances out of your control?

For a large portion of my life, I had thought of love as the driving factor for many decisions and paths I took in life. I felt that because I had found peace and belonging in our Lord, I was to take the view of every and anything in this world with a loving heart. I was to be humble, patient, giving, caring, honest, sincere, and above all, loving in all that I did. At times, I would feel extremely guilty because I often felt that I was not doing enough due to the lack of physical results. However, I had a friend remind me that although tangible successes can be reassuring, the everyday interactions and relationships continually being built upon also help one in bringing fellow Christians closer to GOD.

I hope 2015 will be a year of changes. Changes of being outside of the box, of trying new experiences, of being a new “me” and standing up for what I believe in and doing what I want. But also taking into consideration the consequences of my actions unto others.

I want to become more godly. I want to. Because I believe in the process of becoming more godly, I will inspire fellow brothers and sisters and I will be inspired. GOD has great plans for everyone; this is true I know.

Happy New Years everyone

Blessings,

G

What If

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The original movie title had been coined “What If”, but in theatres throughout North America, it had undergone the name change to “The F Word”. For some, upon first hearing the title may believe it to be implying the swear word, however, in actuality, it is referencing “friend”.

This movie revolves around the friendship of two Torontonians – Wallace & Chantry. After Wallace discovers Chantry has a boyfriend, he decides to not continue the friendship, as he believes nothing will come out of it. However, circumstances bring the two back together, and quickly, the audience is drawn into the depths of the pairs’ instant connection in everything: Fool’s Gold, magnetic word conundrums, Whip Cream.

At parts where it is apparent the love that Chantry and her boyfriend of 5 years share is genuine, you cannot help but also root for Wallace to win over Chantry. It is also apparent that the pair occasionally work to restraint themselves to never cross the limits that are there out of respect for Chantry’s boyfriend.

Sadly, a friendship between a girl and a guy almost always, does hit road bumps.

It is bittersweet sometimes as throughout the movie you can feel the problematic thoughts that Chantry internally faces when she is around Wallace. Questions of following her heart or following her mind. Sticking with what is familiar or trying something new. We all face these dilemmas now and then, but never truly getting a definite answer of whether the choice we make is the correct one or not.

A simple and funny romantic comedy. Does it end happily? Or bittersweetly like many endings as seen before? I think this is a movie that deserves a solid 7/10 and for those new couples, or even for those friends whom are borderline “dealing” but know something more will inevitably emerge – hit the theatres for this Radcliffe-Razan love story, maybe it’ll be the push that opens up something new.

A short clip from the movie on how to make “Fool’s Gold”

Hello, My Name is – Matthew West

I still remember the first Sunday our church had sang this song together at Service. After Praise & Worship was over, the pastor had jokingly went up and asked “Do you know what your name is now?” There were definitely some chuckles and hoots coming from the audience.

It’s funny. A name is what defines you immediately when you meet someone. Introductions, speeches, greetings – they usually start with: “Hello, my name is _____”. Some love their name, others loathe it.

Honestly, I do not care what my name is. Whether it has 4 letters or 9, 2 syllables or 4 – it has never truly mattered. However, I am proud to say I am a Child of the One True King. Knowing He is my Father, here for me through anything – regretful, sad, happy, joyous times. That is all that truly matters. Not my name, rather who I am to Him.

What love the Father has lavished, upon us that we should be called His children. I am joyous to say that my name is Child of the One True King.

Knowing I am changed and have been set free, delights me beyond anything.

May you all know that our Father in Heaven will always be there with you through anything. Just trust.

Blessings,

G