Too Careless For Me

Learn to see those doors that close, and walk away. Realize the blinds that come down and shield staring eyes that look within. Remember when you and I were just but strangers, walking down unaligned paths?

So beautiful, this earth that we reside on. The greens that rise ever so slowly, being sheltered by the many buildings that skyrocket – their limits surpassed by those after them. The blood red sun; hidden behind the thickening clouds.

Can you see the carelessness that litters your steps? Or the unfavourable traits that one cannot forget because they are so affected; it’s ingrained within them to not realize it’s effect – until it takes stem.

As these days go by, everyday I realize the happiness of those whom bring me to smiles with their every picture, video, recording – and remain grateful for the life I was granted; beyond that day four years ago.

Move on, they say. Take that step, further and further. Set those sails, and float away. What good is it to think back and reminiscence?

Not much. I agree.

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Thankful to friends whom reside in beautiful cities and shorelines.

Care

You realize life’s many waves.

One moment you may be happy and carefree, knowing all is well. The next, you realize there are many shatters beneath the top; waiting to surface in those unpredictable moments. Why is it so hard for us to cling onto happiness and comfort?

Seeing you through the lens of this which I’ve called my own and destined for capturing those around me, I was happy. But as one retreated into the depths, there was no solace remaining.

Can you see? Or can you merely realize. Those who do not have, always pick out the gaping hole in that which they have. But those who have, never fully realize the extent of the value they hold. Lucky, aren’t they?

As the days go by, and the many setting of the sun’s, accompanied by the rises. Will I be the one who forgoes the desire that so easily roots and stems itself within me? Why do I let this pod take place, when I already know of it’s many disappointments and voids that it has frequented in the past?

Maybe it’s because my remembrance is fleeting, while my memories dwell. Memories that I let linger through the many captures that I take on a daily basis. Memories that engrain themselves within me, with the subject’s presence abiding; without permission, but encompassing reluctance.

He wanted people to like his mind again – after awhile it might be such a nice place in which to live.

This Side of Paradise. 

  • Fitzgerald

The mind is the dominating organ that intrigues me; above all else. Like a friend once mentioned, it is also the organ that can come to odds with your faith. Do you let this come between you and what your soul rests in, or do you choose to walk away? Isn’t it peculiar how one does not want to be questioned or left behind, but also cares for those whom she places her utmost respect in – to even want to obtain certainty from; those she realizes the displeasure that may result.

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Someone far and locked up, may you find your own

What You Remind Me Of

“I saw you as a nice and pretty girl”.

It’s funny how sometimes what others say, can have an enormous impact on you.

I remember the first time I met you. You came, as if the wind had blown you in. Hair was disheveled, with a lopsided scowl on your face. You did not seem as if you wanted to be there; but were instead forced to.

Your voice is young. The words you use were coarse, but truthful. You encouraged us to try our best. And when the time approached – you disappeared just a few seconds tad of early.

I wanted you to be mine. I was glad, because I had you with me. I didn’t see much of anything, except through the eyes of you.

But sometimes, what we forget is that love is Him. He gave us everything in exchange for our love. But we didn’t carry through. And yet, time and time again, He forgives. He forgives because He loves us enough; and even more.

I believe I am weak when it comes to lust. I am weak when it involves my emotional side in taking over the logical side of myself. I miss you when I am happy. I miss you when I am sad. And I especially miss you when I am lonely.

But why depend on earthly beings to satisfy our loneliness, lack of happiness, and fill the void of our sadness? Humans at times, can be too in touch with their emotional lack of fulfillment – to the point of where they forget where they came from; of what love is. Who it is.

A prosodiac. A coffee addict. How opposite they can be.

A new beginning.

Today

Today I went to Sunday service. I was not in the best mood to be at service. I was tired, moody, and also reluctant to attend. But somehow the happiness of being able to sing praises and listen to my Father’s words were what ultimately brought me before Him.

What I felt today was that although there may be times when we may not want to go before Him, or do what He wants us to do – we should. We should because he gave His son to us at a time when we needed Him most, but didn’t realize.

This song reminds me that whatever in life is bringing us down, either it be relationship or work troubles, we have our Lord. And that is enough. That will always be enough.

So thank-you God. Thank-you for showing me that with my decision to follow you, there

is no turning back.

But I am happy for that because I want to be Your daughter for all of eternity.

Help me to show Your works. Shine the light of Your great works, so that others may see of our magnificence and come to know of You.

G

What Would I Give

So much frustration is on my mind right now. It honestly seems as if I’ve become one of those I’ve only read, or heard of before. You know those people whom never say no to anything, or promise to do whatever you ask them to? I feel as if I’ve succumbed to becoming one of “those”. It can be rather frustrating sometimes. I feel as if I have no time to myself or even to be with my Father. Time that I want to set aside to blog, to do my devotionals, to just do what I love, to be with who I want. I’m so tired.

Maybe this post can be seen as a sad post. As it is filled with my complaints and also anger as I express my thoughts from the past week. Of deadlines looming. Of marks being received. Of people’s expectations falling flat, or being set too high. There’s just too much that I have to be accountable for. Unfortunately, that was the image I built for myself over the years.

One of the bravest things I’ve done over the course of this year so far was talking to you 🙂 I am still rather giddy about it and cannot believe I had the courage or strength to do so. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that was within me to allow the words I’ve wanted to tell you since Day One I saw you, to flow through me.

Unfortunately, do we have much to talk about? No, I do not think so. Although at times, I believe we do favour and desire each other’s company. However, the lack of chemistry  or history is still rather blatant in the silences that fill the air between us. My questions are prodding at times. You still seem to want to answer them wholeheartedly.

But I feel as if this is not how friendships are developed. The strain and also the worry of wanting to not disappoint the other is … disappointing in itself. And even learning that you are not what I thought you to be, I was extremely giddy to learn that you were at the event on a Sunday. You surprised me. The Lord did answer my prayers. I would want to know how the event went for you.

I feel as if my blog posts are incomprehensible for those whom do not know the foreground knowledge that comes within my posts. Just know, I would give anything in the world for us to work. You have currently become my most favouritest person in this world, thus far.

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Gratefulness

The tips of Music

Sometimes I wonder if I’m truly doing enough for Him. Is He satisfied with how I am living out my life; given the second chance I was. Am I truly craving Him in everything that I do, in everything I say, in the people I meet, in the words I speak? Can I do more?

My fingers onto those keys; hearing the voices quickly but quietly guide through all the octaves; a sense of empowerment it is. I’m very, very, grateful to the Lord for granting me a pair of hands that can produce beautifully spoken dissonances through the notes on a piece of paper. Reading the curls and dots that each note portrays and translating it through the fluid motions of my fingers pounding up and down on the numerous keys; I’m grateful for this. Although at times life overwhelms me with the dreaded deadlines and written exams, when I am chosen as one to serve with my hands to touch those around me with the wonderfully composed hymns and songs, I am thankful.

I pray that the Lord will continue to watch over those whom serve in their church. May we spread His glory throughout. May He bless each one of us with power and strength to show our faith through all that we may do. May He

open eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness.
Isaiah 42:7

Blessings to another Sunday!

Giddy

“Can you believe that happened today?”

“No, I still can’t.”

Those days where one starts off rushed, flustered, and just utterly defeated. Tiredness encompassing every muscle, running and hopping from foot to foot just hoping to not get swept by the wave to the side where all is lost.

I once read somewhere that those whom find utter happiness in life never, ever, search for it. Instead they simply let life flow through them; through their fingertips, their smiles, their bright eyes, their love-filled words, and their every step. They don’t base their existence on the relationships that have blossomed, but rather have them as an accessory to their day and joy.

Will I possibly have more time with you soon? I know for some they absolutely dislike it when they are directly asked questions; I hope that’s not true for you. I love asking and prodding for people’s perspectives of life and past experiences. Everyone holds something unique and endearing as their story.

The quirky voice; in some ways, very similar to mine. Those eyes, and the stature.

I don’t think I will ever get tired nor bored.