fine

need those steps to carry you forward

as one takes one foot and places it in front of the next, what is pushing her forwards? what holds her up as she falters in her breath and her choice? what is holding her upright as she looks down and sees unfamiliarity?

will you hold on even when the times become rough? will you be there even when no one else is. when no one extends their hand toward you because they would rather look the other way.

hear that laugh disappear so quickly you thought you missaw. see you and see him bind themselves into one. look up but down even faster so you do not trip when the unforeseen manifests itself as a chip on your shoulder.

let’s all go together. to the one who was, who is, and who will forever be.

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i will be fine. we always turn out fine.

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the last time of shr

You were someone that I’ve never forgotten. Ever, in the midst of life’s hustle and bustle. You always managed to swim to the forefront of my thoughts, my dreams, my worries.

You are someone whom I look up to, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I wanted you, as much as the little ones look forward to meeting Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus, on Christmas Eve. I wanted you, more than many of the other prayers I’ve hunted for in my life. I wanted you, more than I had looked forward to that first trickle of snow; that first snowfall of each season.

Thankful for the time we spend together. Me, just a bit more interesting than you. And you, a bit more timid and careful than I can ever be. The words we exchange, I won’t reminiscence on. There’s too much in life to achieve, attain, surpass, and ultimately – to take those steps, it requires concentrated focus.

I once placed my ambition on you. Wanting to be the one beside you, walking down those halls and those steps.

南山南 – 如果天黑之前来得及

我要忘了你的眼睛

穷极一生,做不完一场梦

Too Careless For Me

Learn to see those doors that close, and walk away. Realize the blinds that come down and shield staring eyes that look within. Remember when you and I were just but strangers, walking down unaligned paths?

So beautiful, this earth that we reside on. The greens that rise ever so slowly, being sheltered by the many buildings that skyrocket – their limits surpassed by those after them. The blood red sun; hidden behind the thickening clouds.

Can you see the carelessness that litters your steps? Or the unfavourable traits that one cannot forget because they are so affected; it’s ingrained within them to not realize it’s effect – until it takes stem.

As these days go by, everyday I realize the happiness of those whom bring me to smiles with their every picture, video, recording – and remain grateful for the life I was granted; beyond that day four years ago.

Move on, they say. Take that step, further and further. Set those sails, and float away. What good is it to think back and reminiscence?

Not much. I agree.

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Thankful to friends whom reside in beautiful cities and shorelines.

Care

You realize life’s many waves.

One moment you may be happy and carefree, knowing all is well. The next, you realize there are many shatters beneath the top; waiting to surface in those unpredictable moments. Why is it so hard for us to cling onto happiness and comfort?

Seeing you through the lens of this which I’ve called my own and destined for capturing those around me, I was happy. But as one retreated into the depths, there was no solace remaining.

Can you see? Or can you merely realize. Those who do not have, always pick out the gaping hole in that which they have. But those who have, never fully realize the extent of the value they hold. Lucky, aren’t they?

As the days go by, and the many setting of the sun’s, accompanied by the rises. Will I be the one who forgoes the desire that so easily roots and stems itself within me? Why do I let this pod take place, when I already know of it’s many disappointments and voids that it has frequented in the past?

Maybe it’s because my remembrance is fleeting, while my memories dwell. Memories that I let linger through the many captures that I take on a daily basis. Memories that engrain themselves within me, with the subject’s presence abiding; without permission, but encompassing reluctance.

He wanted people to like his mind again – after awhile it might be such a nice place in which to live.

This Side of Paradise. 

  • Fitzgerald

The mind is the dominating organ that intrigues me; above all else. Like a friend once mentioned, it is also the organ that can come to odds with your faith. Do you let this come between you and what your soul rests in, or do you choose to walk away? Isn’t it peculiar how one does not want to be questioned or left behind, but also cares for those whom she places her utmost respect in – to even want to obtain certainty from; those she realizes the displeasure that may result.

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Someone far and locked up, may you find your own

What You Remind Me Of

“I saw you as a nice and pretty girl”.

It’s funny how sometimes what others say, can have an enormous impact on you.

I remember the first time I met you. You came, as if the wind had blown you in. Hair was disheveled, with a lopsided scowl on your face. You did not seem as if you wanted to be there; but were instead forced to.

Your voice is young. The words you use were coarse, but truthful. You encouraged us to try our best. And when the time approached – you disappeared just a few seconds tad of early.

I wanted you to be mine. I was glad, because I had you with me. I didn’t see much of anything, except through the eyes of you.

But sometimes, what we forget is that love is Him. He gave us everything in exchange for our love. But we didn’t carry through. And yet, time and time again, He forgives. He forgives because He loves us enough; and even more.

I believe I am weak when it comes to lust. I am weak when it involves my emotional side in taking over the logical side of myself. I miss you when I am happy. I miss you when I am sad. And I especially miss you when I am lonely.

But why depend on earthly beings to satisfy our loneliness, lack of happiness, and fill the void of our sadness? Humans at times, can be too in touch with their emotional lack of fulfillment – to the point of where they forget where they came from; of what love is. Who it is.

A prosodiac. A coffee addict. How opposite they can be.

A new beginning.

Today

Today I went to Sunday service. I was not in the best mood to be at service. I was tired, moody, and also reluctant to attend. But somehow the happiness of being able to sing praises and listen to my Father’s words were what ultimately brought me before Him.

What I felt today was that although there may be times when we may not want to go before Him, or do what He wants us to do – we should. We should because he gave His son to us at a time when we needed Him most, but didn’t realize.

This song reminds me that whatever in life is bringing us down, either it be relationship or work troubles, we have our Lord. And that is enough. That will always be enough.

So thank-you God. Thank-you for showing me that with my decision to follow you, there

is no turning back.

But I am happy for that because I want to be Your daughter for all of eternity.

Help me to show Your works. Shine the light of Your great works, so that others may see of our magnificence and come to know of You.

G

What Would I Give

So much frustration is on my mind right now. It honestly seems as if I’ve become one of those I’ve only read, or heard of before. You know those people whom never say no to anything, or promise to do whatever you ask them to? I feel as if I’ve succumbed to becoming one of “those”. It can be rather frustrating sometimes. I feel as if I have no time to myself or even to be with my Father. Time that I want to set aside to blog, to do my devotionals, to just do what I love, to be with who I want. I’m so tired.

Maybe this post can be seen as a sad post. As it is filled with my complaints and also anger as I express my thoughts from the past week. Of deadlines looming. Of marks being received. Of people’s expectations falling flat, or being set too high. There’s just too much that I have to be accountable for. Unfortunately, that was the image I built for myself over the years.

One of the bravest things I’ve done over the course of this year so far was talking to you 🙂 I am still rather giddy about it and cannot believe I had the courage or strength to do so. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that was within me to allow the words I’ve wanted to tell you since Day One I saw you, to flow through me.

Unfortunately, do we have much to talk about? No, I do not think so. Although at times, I believe we do favour and desire each other’s company. However, the lack of chemistry  or history is still rather blatant in the silences that fill the air between us. My questions are prodding at times. You still seem to want to answer them wholeheartedly.

But I feel as if this is not how friendships are developed. The strain and also the worry of wanting to not disappoint the other is … disappointing in itself. And even learning that you are not what I thought you to be, I was extremely giddy to learn that you were at the event on a Sunday. You surprised me. The Lord did answer my prayers. I would want to know how the event went for you.

I feel as if my blog posts are incomprehensible for those whom do not know the foreground knowledge that comes within my posts. Just know, I would give anything in the world for us to work. You have currently become my most favouritest person in this world, thus far.

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