Falling in Deep [For You]

Hi y’all 🙂

It’s honestly been too long since I’ve written a post from the heart; too long since I’ve had time to myself and not be consumed by any one thing; too long since I’ve been so free; so open.

This may turn into a really long post filled with numerous errors, rambles, and ultimately, words that scare me as you read them on your screen. Deep down, I’ve never really been one to open up completely to someone. Well, I’ve always had my spiritual Father who I would say every and anything to. My deepest, darkest, happiest, saddest moments, I had relinquished onto Him. Not because I felt it was a burden that I had to get off my chest. No, it was because I wanted Him to know everything about me – everything that was going on in my life, why I felt this way about that, and whether I could see anything after today. He was my pillar of strength. He was what I held onto as hope everyday.

He has a plan for us. His will for us is the path we are supposed to walk upon. Knowing that there exists a path created only for us, a special path that no one else walks upon, rejoicing and praising Him along the way – I am glad. I am joyous. I am free. I am thankful. There are so many emotions whenever I hold onto this hope being what it is true, that I take each day as it comes.

I do not believe that I have to find another to share this life with. There have been numerous sermons where I have heard the message along the lines of: “You will find someone to spread the Word with. They will be with you along this journey on Earth. They will love the same things you do and you both will glorify His name together”. But there have also been instances where I was told: “No, you will be fine by yourself. You do not need your other half to live life. Glorifying our Father by yourself is also acceptable.” I do not have a preference for either. I believe that whatever happens, it is His plan for us. I have never placed utmost trust in any single human being on Earth because I am still that one who does not completely trust anyone, except our Father. In him, I believe and will always believe everything – without proof, evidence, logic – for He is everything to me. My faith is built on Him alone. Irrational and illogical to some, I know it is in my heart that He is true. He is the truth. 

I have gone through periods in my life where I am often fascinated by an object of interest. It has never occurred to me how my interest was captured. But I feel it was somehow meant to be. It just happened.

I wish that somehow we could meet. Somehow I or you could strike up a conversation with the other. Often, the mysteriousness or uncertainty of one seems to limit what the other can do. The hint of a smirk and the twinkling eyes – they draw me in deep. What I would do to even know a bit more about you. What I would give, to learn of your hometown. Where you grew up within a population only a tenth of what I grew up within. What were your most memorable moments moving here? What do you like to eat? Where do you like to take walks? What would you look for in a friend? Even the simplest of questions – what is your favourite colour?

I often believe I think too much and ask too many questions. A fellow I had come to know over the past 7 months had once told me, I often ask questions that I already know the answer to – but I ask it anyway.

Is this the result of wanting to talk to you more? Is it wanting to know more about you that drives me to keep prodding?

I wish I could meet you.

One day. Someday. I look forward to us.

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Passing of the Times

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Often times, life passes you by, and you never really end up noticing this loss.

Interaction of human relationships: friendships, acquaintances, loved ones, spouses, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, old and new ones; they’re what bring the connectivity and warmth that humans claim to be their own.

Life usually has too many things happening all at once. We never truly stop and see what’s around us.

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Do you see? Do you notice? Do you care? Water droplets gliding off those black toed shoes as they pace quickly though the rainfall. The little kid squealing with delight at the sight of the hilarious clown. What about that woman whom only has herself to keep company every night? Or the child who struggles to find a place of shelter and food every night? Do you understand?
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Go to the shorelines of beaches and lakes. Breathe in the air that is so different from city air. Without the smog, without the second-hand carcinogens. Just pure, clean, untainted air that we grew up with and slowly changed our bodies with each breath we took in.

Do you notice? Those without freedom. Without love. Without hope. Without that drive that implicitly keeps all of us going. Though some of us may not realize it until that one moment in life, we are all moving to hopefully end up attaining that one thing we desire most. The journey is ultimately what it is about. It is never the destination.

Colbie Caillat – Try

Is there anything you feel is imperfect about you? Anything you wish you could change? To swap with someone else? Maybe it’s your green eyes with gold specks. Or those crimson swatches of freckles on your cheeks? What about those highly arched brows that seem to reach endlessly to the sky? Or those untameable curls you inherited from your dear grandmother? We all manage to find imperfections about ourself that we believe must be masked with make-up, perms,concealer, mascara; anything we can get our hands on.

But maybe sometimes we don’t have to try. Don’t have to hide or conceal. Don’t have to stand behind a cover we’ve created for ourselves.

When you’re by yourself, do you like you? For who you are? For what you stand for? For what you believe is to be right? For whom you love and care for? For what you strive for? For what you hope to attain one day?