Too Careless For Me

Learn to see those doors that close, and walk away. Realize the blinds that come down and shield staring eyes that look within. Remember when you and I were just but strangers, walking down unaligned paths?

So beautiful, this earth that we reside on. The greens that rise ever so slowly, being sheltered by the many buildings that skyrocket – their limits surpassed by those after them. The blood red sun; hidden behind the thickening clouds.

Can you see the carelessness that litters your steps? Or the unfavourable traits that one cannot forget because they are so affected; it’s ingrained within them to not realize it’s effect – until it takes stem.

As these days go by, everyday I realize the happiness of those whom bring me to smiles with their every picture, video, recording – and remain grateful for the life I was granted; beyond that day four years ago.

Move on, they say. Take that step, further and further. Set those sails, and float away. What good is it to think back and reminiscence?

Not much. I agree.

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Thankful to friends whom reside in beautiful cities and shorelines.

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Boundaries

It’s been a while since I last took up this pen.

I had wanted to wait a bit before I decided on the course of action.

There’s this fence that is often built around one. The fence initially does not exist. There was no reason for this structure to be built. It is through the experiences and events that take place, where one sees a fence slowly take shape.

At first, it may have been just a sliver of inches; similar to the newly grown grass that takes bloom as Spring descends. It grows steady and in color. Green as can be, as it slowly takes on a life of it’s own. Starting out fresh in scent; with it sparkling in the sun because of it’s unfamiliarity.

As more events take place, the height ascends. At times slower than the rest – knowingly boundaries have to be built, but only a millisecond at a time. Other times, those events wreck havoc, and the height skyrockets. The grass begins wilting, but continues it’s ascent.

Over time, this fence changes. It had started as grass, easy to cut; easy to maintain. But one day, this grass fades, and wooden boards take it’s place. Like a tree’s trunk, it is solid and without waver. It stands strong against the winds and waves. The oak becoming aged, but the stability stronger. It does not ever change shape, because there is not much that erodes the core of it’s base. It remains as is, a ring around that one.

Listening to the thoughts of others makes it obvious how cautious or carefree one truly is. There are some whom are filled with cheerful laughter, spontaneous interactions, and above all – radiance in knowing the grace of this world and it’s beauty.

Then there are the others.

Those whom had seen much before the rest of us. They have experienced the lows and the highs (though not as frequent). Their thoughts are clear as mud. Not easily influenced as they hold onto the crux of their soul; seemingly defined from a delicate age, and crafted through the hands of others.

Learn to be positive, they say.

What if that was never a trait to be encompassed by that one?

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You’ve only one life to live, why make it as unhappy as you do?

 

Remainder

It’s seemingly in times where I do not know where to turn, I turn to my hands. These hands that have started out small, on the ground, as I was learning to crawl. These hands that slowly lifted themselves off the ground and instead aimed for the skies. As I went through life and realized, one’s works are most prized of all – I put them to work; night and day I churned them. When they were not holding pens, pencils, calculators, mouses, or tapping away at black, white, or electronic keys – they were found grabbing food to fill my hunger. Hunger that was only temporary and momentous, before being filled, and then back to work.

Those days of where busy-ness seemed to litter every corner of my life. As I worked for myself, but most of all – my family. They were the ones I was around when I came into this Earth. Everything I try for, they are among those whom I think about the effects that affect upon. But doesn’t it feel as if you are bound down when you realize your limits, though for an aim, are restrained to a certain extent as you take other considerations into play, when making decisions.

So tiring. Where were those days when everything was constant, with unlimited uncertainty. I found solace in those moments. As I took every step with those around me, the consistency was comfort as I knew there were no farewells to be said. Being easily accustomed to the presence is a curse in some ways. As they move on, you remain there. But with the lingering sense that haunts one for quite a while. The lighthouse, the captain. Do they frequent enough in my heart for this void to be sealed away, until the return?

Claude Monet – Secret Garden

These 38 paintings. The largest exhibition in North America. They are here. Until a certain end date, as all things seem to approach, at one point or another.

Come.

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Remind me of where I’ve been

Without You

Taken as an excerpt from the one who feels lost amongst all

Have you ever had that feeling where you are so fixated on one object, you lose motivation to think about anything else?

That’s consumption done right.

There’s no need for desire of anything else. Your thoughts are consumed. You wish you could think about any or everything else; it’s seemingly locked down though. Everything suddenly revolves around this one.

Drained. Tired. Ineffectually helpless.

This is a new feeling for me.
Is this another one of those experiences where you overcome it and become a
stronger person?

Through the fire
I’ll persevere
I won’t submit to any fear
Where I’ll go you’ve been before
All my trust is in you Lord

Hold me close, Lord. Keep me sane.

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All I need is you, Lord. Let me cling onto you as desperately as I may this week.

Care

You realize life’s many waves.

One moment you may be happy and carefree, knowing all is well. The next, you realize there are many shatters beneath the top; waiting to surface in those unpredictable moments. Why is it so hard for us to cling onto happiness and comfort?

Seeing you through the lens of this which I’ve called my own and destined for capturing those around me, I was happy. But as one retreated into the depths, there was no solace remaining.

Can you see? Or can you merely realize. Those who do not have, always pick out the gaping hole in that which they have. But those who have, never fully realize the extent of the value they hold. Lucky, aren’t they?

As the days go by, and the many setting of the sun’s, accompanied by the rises. Will I be the one who forgoes the desire that so easily roots and stems itself within me? Why do I let this pod take place, when I already know of it’s many disappointments and voids that it has frequented in the past?

Maybe it’s because my remembrance is fleeting, while my memories dwell. Memories that I let linger through the many captures that I take on a daily basis. Memories that engrain themselves within me, with the subject’s presence abiding; without permission, but encompassing reluctance.

He wanted people to like his mind again – after awhile it might be such a nice place in which to live.

This Side of Paradise. 

  • Fitzgerald

The mind is the dominating organ that intrigues me; above all else. Like a friend once mentioned, it is also the organ that can come to odds with your faith. Do you let this come between you and what your soul rests in, or do you choose to walk away? Isn’t it peculiar how one does not want to be questioned or left behind, but also cares for those whom she places her utmost respect in – to even want to obtain certainty from; those she realizes the displeasure that may result.

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Someone far and locked up, may you find your own

Remember

Remember who you found among those winding streets and chilly frosts of air that stemmed from your chuckles as you gasped and laughed. Remember who you decided to leave behind – not by choice, but by another taking the reins for you. Remember.

Stray far from that person who used to be overtaken by so many fears and anxiety. Forget those that wrapped their hands around your lungs. Persevere. Strive. Smile. Move forward. No, even run.

Jump and feel those wings lift you higher and higher up. Away from that which bound you before and realize you aren’t the same; and will never be again. Because you chose our Father. You choose, everyday – to let Him lead your every step. There is certainty in what He decides, and that is where your calming heart is planted.

Dam Square

Brighton • Oliver

The week after Copenhagen, we as a group collectively decided: “Yep, it’s time we took a break from flying into the EU”. We wanted to explore a city close to our campus city. Funny thing is – there was a larger town close to Bath called Bristol: 15 minutes away by rail. After researching options such as: Cornwall (very beautiful – disappointed I couldn’t visit before disembarking the UK…) and Manchester (a tad far…) – we decided on Brighton; one of the most noteworthy cities to visit while in the UK. We somehow implicitly believed it would be close to Bath…

3.5 hours of rail later, we’ve arrived! It’s a coastal city, and we felt this right when we stepped out of the rail station. The air was filled with the sandiness of the beaches and freshness of the roaring waters. The day we went wasn’t the best as it was grey skies and mild rain; albeit this unpleasant weather, I do not regret this day trip. It progressively  introduced me to hidden gems that were scattered throughout the UK.

Brighton is a city of wonder. There are numerous small shops, delicious restaurants, and a mix of tourists and locals. We aimed for the coastline as we had seen the beautiful pictures of the Ferris wheel and amusement park by the sea.

B115E46C-F19A-47F5-8FF7-931C40F483FD.JPGThe Regency Restaurant right by the coast is what I would recommend to all whom pass by Brighton. It is a seafood shack that cooks up delicious grilled or iced seafood. Out of all the seafood, paellas, and spaghetti dishes I’ve consumed over the 4 months – this restaurant tops it all. I think it might also be the cheese that is slathered on top! Other than eat, we frequented the little arcade that lay right outside the carnival park. I think we spent about 1.5 hours in there, playing games until our hands tired and our jaws sore from belly-laughing, and ultimately- winning a Brighton snow globe.

A funny little story is: I had been told by a friend that there were rainbow huts on Hove Beach, in Brighton. I googled it and led our group in circles beyond circles. When we walking along the coastline, I had a sinking feeling we were going in the wrong direction… but I kept going. It was fun not knowing if we were going the right way, but as I had everyone with me – it was okay. Just thought of it as time together.

After googling intensely a bit more, I realized… there was Brighton and a Hove Beach with rainbow huts – in Australia. We asked around some more and realized the rainbow huts were a bit of a secret – only locals knew of this little strip near the coast.

Here’s some rad pics of us jumping up and down… and up and down – like maniacs high on colour. That day became more sunny (and hot) as we walked up and down the few strips that lined this city.

Brighton remains one of the top cities I would go back for. Not only for it’s quaint and calming city-sphere, but also the feels of being by the sea.

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When I look at this little beauty, I think of our times there. Times where we grew closer by chatting with each other, getting to know each other’s pasts, and having fun at another city explored.