All Over

There was endless questioning and searching for a tiny bit about you. It was unnecessary now that I look back.

For this obsessive probing was so distant in nature. You ended up not being impressed by my spontaneity and also my questions. It is funny that for some, they are happy with my inquiries, whereas others find it to be intrusive.

I think you were rather gentlemanly. Your quaint smile and eyes of being inviting, yet guarded.

I wish you better luck this time. Xx

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Children of God

This past weekend was our church’s annual summer retreat. Though I had my reservations about attending, I must say, the uncertainty that I initially had, was completely uncalled for. Having the opportunity to attend this camp was truly the highlight of my Summer. Being able to talk with and also hear from Dr. Sean Ho about being children of God was the awakening I needed.

Life is often full. Full of everything one wants to fill it with. Loved ones to be with, appointments to tend to, and even needs that oneself wants to be filled. In the midst of all that, we may lose out on who we are. Who God had initially called us to be, but we brushed to the side, because of our own grand plans; our dreams; our “callings”.

We are lucky. That we even know of Him. That we were given the privilege to follow Him. That we are able to love and be loved by Him.

Words truly cannot describe my emotions that I have felt through the endurance of this camp. I can only say: Thank-you Lord for letting me attend. To letting me be amongst the midst of others who love you greatly. To be able to worship, praise, and also pray with them was a blessing. So thank-you Lord.

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. [Galatians 3:26-27]

So take this heart, Lord
I’ll be your vessel
The world to see
Your life in me.

Never Have I Ever

You see all the younglings walking down the street. Looking content with what little things they have. What high squeals and lit-up eyes they have. Never searching for more. Not needing to realize they are missing on a lot that is still in this world. Both a good, yet bitter truth.

Surrounded by many people. Hearing many voices. Being drawn into conversations that can last about a second, or for a whole night. With people who make you feel special; in that moment. With people passing by who make you feel something you had thought you lost. People who have come to know you – by your clothes, your reputation, your jokes, your laughter. Who do not even know your name. But only your voice.

Singing the words wrong. Running down to the riptide where all is waiting. For nothing and everything. The lump in one’s throat just builds and never disappears.

Should I do it?

What Would I Give

So much frustration is on my mind right now. It honestly seems as if I’ve become one of those I’ve only read, or heard of before. You know those people whom never say no to anything, or promise to do whatever you ask them to? I feel as if I’ve succumbed to becoming one of “those”. It can be rather frustrating sometimes. I feel as if I have no time to myself or even to be with my Father. Time that I want to set aside to blog, to do my devotionals, to just do what I love, to be with who I want. I’m so tired.

Maybe this post can be seen as a sad post. As it is filled with my complaints and also anger as I express my thoughts from the past week. Of deadlines looming. Of marks being received. Of people’s expectations falling flat, or being set too high. There’s just too much that I have to be accountable for. Unfortunately, that was the image I built for myself over the years.

One of the bravest things I’ve done over the course of this year so far was talking to you 🙂 I am still rather giddy about it and cannot believe I had the courage or strength to do so. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that was within me to allow the words I’ve wanted to tell you since Day One I saw you, to flow through me.

Unfortunately, do we have much to talk about? No, I do not think so. Although at times, I believe we do favour and desire each other’s company. However, the lack of chemistry  or history is still rather blatant in the silences that fill the air between us. My questions are prodding at times. You still seem to want to answer them wholeheartedly.

But I feel as if this is not how friendships are developed. The strain and also the worry of wanting to not disappoint the other is … disappointing in itself. And even learning that you are not what I thought you to be, I was extremely giddy to learn that you were at the event on a Sunday. You surprised me. The Lord did answer my prayers. I would want to know how the event went for you.

I feel as if my blog posts are incomprehensible for those whom do not know the foreground knowledge that comes within my posts. Just know, I would give anything in the world for us to work. You have currently become my most favouritest person in this world, thus far.

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Falling in Deep [For You]

Hi y’all 🙂

It’s honestly been too long since I’ve written a post from the heart; too long since I’ve had time to myself and not be consumed by any one thing; too long since I’ve been so free; so open.

This may turn into a really long post filled with numerous errors, rambles, and ultimately, words that scare me as you read them on your screen. Deep down, I’ve never really been one to open up completely to someone. Well, I’ve always had my spiritual Father who I would say every and anything to. My deepest, darkest, happiest, saddest moments, I had relinquished onto Him. Not because I felt it was a burden that I had to get off my chest. No, it was because I wanted Him to know everything about me – everything that was going on in my life, why I felt this way about that, and whether I could see anything after today. He was my pillar of strength. He was what I held onto as hope everyday.

He has a plan for us. His will for us is the path we are supposed to walk upon. Knowing that there exists a path created only for us, a special path that no one else walks upon, rejoicing and praising Him along the way – I am glad. I am joyous. I am free. I am thankful. There are so many emotions whenever I hold onto this hope being what it is true, that I take each day as it comes.

I do not believe that I have to find another to share this life with. There have been numerous sermons where I have heard the message along the lines of: “You will find someone to spread the Word with. They will be with you along this journey on Earth. They will love the same things you do and you both will glorify His name together”. But there have also been instances where I was told: “No, you will be fine by yourself. You do not need your other half to live life. Glorifying our Father by yourself is also acceptable.” I do not have a preference for either. I believe that whatever happens, it is His plan for us. I have never placed utmost trust in any single human being on Earth because I am still that one who does not completely trust anyone, except our Father. In him, I believe and will always believe everything – without proof, evidence, logic – for He is everything to me. My faith is built on Him alone. Irrational and illogical to some, I know it is in my heart that He is true. He is the truth. 

I have gone through periods in my life where I am often fascinated by an object of interest. It has never occurred to me how my interest was captured. But I feel it was somehow meant to be. It just happened.

I wish that somehow we could meet. Somehow I or you could strike up a conversation with the other. Often, the mysteriousness or uncertainty of one seems to limit what the other can do. The hint of a smirk and the twinkling eyes – they draw me in deep. What I would do to even know a bit more about you. What I would give, to learn of your hometown. Where you grew up within a population only a tenth of what I grew up within. What were your most memorable moments moving here? What do you like to eat? Where do you like to take walks? What would you look for in a friend? Even the simplest of questions – what is your favourite colour?

I often believe I think too much and ask too many questions. A fellow I had come to know over the past 7 months had once told me, I often ask questions that I already know the answer to – but I ask it anyway.

Is this the result of wanting to talk to you more? Is it wanting to know more about you that drives me to keep prodding?

I wish I could meet you.

One day. Someday. I look forward to us.

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With Strength We Embark!

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It truly has been a long time since my fingers have tapped out audible words which appear on the screen in front of you.

This year has been a bit of a roller-coaster. Though not as much as the one back in 2013, the changes this year has thrown onto my doorstep, has been a bit shocking, but happy and also surprisingly wonderful shocks. As I had once said it to a dear companion, I have had “shock attacks” this year, which, in the pretense would not be understood by, except my companion and I.

Starting at yet another post-secondary institution (3 in 3 years!) has been a bit tough on me. Though I am at times, a tougher nut to crack than a walnut (except around my nutcracker friends), I am thankful regardless of where and whom I may meet. For all the memories I make, I know them to be a part of God’s great plan. My footprints and fingerprints, whichever and whatever they may touch, it was meant to be.

One may ask, for how do I know whether this or that, was part of His plan? I do not have much to say (which is surprising at times!), my faith is not built on anything, but His love for me. His love makes me speechless and also full of words that do not necessarily have to be said to be felt or be understood. Those whom have been touched and changed by our Father will understand what it is that I am referring and hold myself dear to.

There is much that I hope to complete by the end of this summer. This semester has become somewhat of a whirlwind as the focus has shifted away from academics, and more onto commitments that I have found much more important than grades.

I pray for my church’s VBS. I pray that we may have enough volunteers and also that those whom do commit their time, will have His wisdom and strength in leading our wonderful group of kids. I pray that our Church will be a loving place where kids may come to learn and grow to love our God for “Ever(est)”. I pray that I may come to be strong and healthy for all that calls for my time and effort during this summer. Lastly, I pray that for all the journeys, trips, marriages, and even the simplest of walks that my friends embark on, they may be safe on their voyages. May they come to walk closer to God with each step. May they come to know of His great love. May they come to have courage in sharing it with others. May we all come to be great disciples in His name and make more under His GREAT NAME!

I am getting rather excited. I’m afraid I’ll have to close it at that.

Take care & blessings,

G

Friday Bliss

If you would like a tune to pair along with your rainy days:

Hi y’all! Another weekend is hitting us up!

I’m so thankful for this third week of schooling in yet, another new University. I always feel extremely blessed with all the opportunities and doors that the Lord opens for me. Though I may not always feel as if I am at my ‘A’ game, I am glad for all the falls, trips, pushes, and even stumbles that I have managed to skip over.

Today, yet another coincidence. These happen quite often nowadays. Thank the Lord!

My friend has managed to record and is releasing his song next week! I am utterly proud and happy for my friends and their accomplishments.

I hope everyone has a beautiful and joyous Friday afternoon!