Too Careless For Me

Learn to see those doors that close, and walk away. Realize the blinds that come down and shield staring eyes that look within. Remember when you and I were just but strangers, walking down unaligned paths?

So beautiful, this earth that we reside on. The greens that rise ever so slowly, being sheltered by the many buildings that skyrocket – their limits surpassed by those after them. The blood red sun; hidden behind the thickening clouds.

Can you see the carelessness that litters your steps? Or the unfavourable traits that one cannot forget because they are so affected; it’s ingrained within them to not realize it’s effect – until it takes stem.

As these days go by, everyday I realize the happiness of those whom bring me to smiles with their every picture, video, recording – and remain grateful for the life I was granted; beyond that day four years ago.

Move on, they say. Take that step, further and further. Set those sails, and float away. What good is it to think back and reminiscence?

Not much. I agree.

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Thankful to friends whom reside in beautiful cities and shorelines.

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Never Have I Ever

You see all the younglings walking down the street. Looking content with what little things they have. What high squeals and lit-up eyes they have. Never searching for more. Not needing to realize they are missing on a lot that is still in this world. Both a good, yet bitter truth.

Surrounded by many people. Hearing many voices. Being drawn into conversations that can last about a second, or for a whole night. With people who make you feel special; in that moment. With people passing by who make you feel something you had thought you lost. People who have come to know you – by your clothes, your reputation, your jokes, your laughter. Who do not even know your name. But only your voice.

Singing the words wrong. Running down to the riptide where all is waiting. For nothing and everything. The lump in one’s throat just builds and never disappears.

Should I do it?

Hillsong United – Oceans

I think today should be a sharing kind of day. I hope my experience manages to touch at least one fellow reader, friend, or Christian.

This song I believe many have come across ever since it was released last year by Hillsong United. Covered, sung, and loved by many, it is a beautiful interpretation that is dependent on the listener and their past experiences which shape the meaning of the song for them.

I am humble to say that last year, I have had my share of time in darkness. During those months, I did not know whether I would live on or not; whether the Lord decided it was time for me to leave. In those solitary moments I knew God to be present. But with the persistent and constant hurdles and struggles I faced, though it was a confusing and sad time, I believed and knew the Lord was there with me.

I would often wonder whether this was the best life I could have fulfilled before life itself was taken from me. Whether the ending could’ve been different if I had chosen a different university, made different choices, loved and befriended different people, done things differently. Living with regret often permeated me through those times. Regret of not loving enough, forgiving enough, hearing enough, listening enough, praising Him enough, believing in Him enough, serving Him enough, worshipping Him enough… the list was endless.

In the aspect of the professionals and friends and family, though it did not seem as if my outcome would be a positive one, the Lord showed them all that ultimately, the result of life and death was not a choice, it was an outcome decided only by our Lord. 10% of survival meant nothing for those whom had the utmost, boundless, faith in our Lord. We were comforted as in Isaiah 9:1 it is written:

Nevertheless, that time of darkness and despair will not go on forever.

Nothing is impossible for our Lord. He loves and cares for us. He truly does.

I have a friend who I love very dearly. I will always remember these few sentences in her testimony which I’ve come to love and be reminded by. She speaks of a time in her life when she did not know whether our Lord, the Heavenly Father, was true. She spoke of asking the Lord to save her from a tragic accident or from a huge illness, from which she would realize He was real and loved her very much. After what happened to me last year, though I knew before it happened, and especially after the incident, that the Lord was existent and loving, I am glad that my friend had managed to come to know the Lord in her own accord; without the occurrence of any accident or illness.

Often times we believe nothing bad will ever happen to us. Living in such fortunate and healthy conditions, the chance of being diagnosed with a chronic illness or contracting a deadly disease seems impossible. Life is often taken for granted, and it is only when we lose aspects of it such as food, shelter, the ability to speak, run, hear, are we repentant of the unconditional love the Lord has gave us and realize, nothing is forever. Only our love and faith for the Lord will guide us on.

Blessings,

G

Borderless glances

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It’s funny how this caption struck me in all the right tones when seeing it. I don’t think I’ve had such a sweet wish encapsulated and played back to me in a dream in a very long time. Dreams only happen when preparation meets opportunity. But there’s always a matter of timing and fate that needs to be just right. 

Being there with you; seeing myself glance at you while you sleep. That was enough to make me giggle at my own happiness. I think with you, my love is unconditional, though I’ve never truly known what “unconditional” was, I finally do realize what it means to be genuinely happy for someone. Without such pride, deceit, jealousy or those horrible attributes that we all posses at any time or another. 

Just truly happy for you and the things that happen to you. Each day ending in the way of reminiscing those sweet moments. 

Astonished

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This memory was from a while back, but seeing as I have switched sites… I still wanted this piece to be here.

It’s always these unexpected moments that I never would think come that eventually do come knocking in the end. After seeing you like that I really can’t say anything else. You took my breath away. What with your smile, your surprised look of seeing me there, and most of all; the classy appearance you could pull off even with the simple cords that no one else would dare to sport. You amaze me and just make me wish that I could be someone great. To be someone that could somehow catch up or possibly surpass your abilities. I truly cannot fathom what it was about seeing you back there that I can’t stop thinking about.

The gray suit jacket with the brown padded elbows, the quirky yet stylish grape purple tie that I’m certain no one else would dare wear on a day like this and the orange high-tops anyone sane would not even touch the day of; oh, those black cords that I have loved seeing on you from Day One.

Am I possibly already in too deep. Or are all these emotions even lucid enough to think about? I think what I’m just glad in itself is that I met you, and where we stand as of now, I only thank those whom bring laughter and happiness into my life. I really have nothing else to ask for. Thankfulness is all I have.

Passion

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Maybe you’ve been at this point in your life before. You aren’t really sure where you’re headed, whether it’s even in the right direction, or should you be backing up, and reversing to another destination. That’s the funny thing about life. It’s the mysteries and uncertainties that make life interesting. Possibly along the way you collect regrets and failures, but do they really matter? To some, failures are a setback. Regrets make us second guess ourselves. And the thing that we thought we were so certain about, becomes like a soft mist. We’re walking through it, but at what? We know we have to continue, but for what? We want to reach the end, but why?

Sometimes we just need to trust in ourselves. Believe that we’ve started it one way, and will eventually find an exit through the other door. Hilariously, we can laugh at ourselves and the trips and stumbles along the way. Don’t find shame in being slow, in being unsure, in being seen as unrealistic. Life’s life. Be like that one fish that never stops swimming, that one bird that never stops migrating home. Be you, but be strong and curious.

Sincerely

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How do you evaluate if one has lived a good life? Is there a marker towards the different degrees of achievement? Some say it’s on what you have done for others, the relationships you have started and kept, the humanitarian causes you have supported, and maybe even the riches and wealth accumulated. If you were to look into a mirror that mirrored the endeavors of your life, would you be satisfied? None of us brought anything into this world when we came, and will take nothing when we leave. Personally, I believe it’s the mark you leave behind in this world when you depart.

When I see the happiness and respect surrounding a certain individual, there is joy in seeing the interpersonal achievements of friends. Bliss, towards knowing they’re blessed with many to live life out with, through hardships and delights, she will have someone. And to be sincerely happy for someone is a personal achievement for me. To know they have lived a good life, that makes me happy.