Emerge 2018 [Part i]

Elevation Worship – Do it Again

Your promise still stands
Great is Your faithfulness, faithfulness
I’m still in Your hands
This is my confidence, You never failed me yet

I’ve seen You move, come move the mountains
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again
You made a way, where there was no way
And I believe, I’ll see You do it again


This weekend was a spectacular surprise. It was my first time attending our University Christian Ministry’s retreat. The sheer number of undergraduates gathered under one roof was pretty awesome. Seeing students of all ages, ethnicities, disciplines – showed me how God’s love has been able to grow to a faith that truly encompasses any son or daughter encountered.

There was an identity issue. We discussed topics on labels given to us, which internalize and take hold on us as we go about our lives. Maybe we wish we could just throw down those labels and walk away – without a label, without a history. God (as always), loves us so much. He gave us this blessing of being nameless and sinless when He sent us the one and only Jesus. Jesus, the only human who ever traversed this earth as sinless, bore the sins of this world in hopes of allowing us, every single one of us (a sinner), to reconcile and foster a relationship with our Father.

God is able to do the impossible. He showed me this a couple years back. He defies the law of human physics and impossibility, to save lives – both physically, mentally, emotionally. He was there when the world may have turned against you. He is here as you take that breath, followed by another. He will be here tomorrow when you wake up and marvel at the beauty of life, of your home, of your loved ones.

There is much to be grateful to God for. This weekend marks the beginning of what I hope to continue be a fire-igniting relationship with Him. Because if I do not live for Him, whom else would I be living for?



It’s been a while since I last took up this pen.

I had wanted to wait a bit before I decided on the course of action.

There’s this fence that is often built around one. The fence initially does not exist. There was no reason for this structure to be built. It is through the experiences and events that take place, where one sees a fence slowly take shape.

At first, it may have been just a sliver of inches; similar to the newly grown grass that takes bloom as Spring descends. It grows steady and in color. Green as can be, as it slowly takes on a life of it’s own. Starting out fresh in scent; with it sparkling in the sun because of it’s unfamiliarity.

As more events take place, the height ascends. At times slower than the rest – knowingly boundaries have to be built, but only a millisecond at a time. Other times, those events wreck havoc, and the height skyrockets. The grass begins wilting, but continues it’s ascent.

Over time, this fence changes. It had started as grass, easy to cut; easy to maintain. But one day, this grass fades, and wooden boards take it’s place. Like a tree’s trunk, it is solid and without waver. It stands strong against the winds and waves. The oak becoming aged, but the stability stronger. It does not ever change shape, because there is not much that erodes the core of it’s base. It remains as is, a ring around that one.

Listening to the thoughts of others makes it obvious how cautious or carefree one truly is. There are some whom are filled with cheerful laughter, spontaneous interactions, and above all – radiance in knowing the grace of this world and it’s beauty.

Then there are the others.

Those whom had seen much before the rest of us. They have experienced the lows and the highs (though not as frequent). Their thoughts are clear as mud. Not easily influenced as they hold onto the crux of their soul; seemingly defined from a delicate age, and crafted through the hands of others.

Learn to be positive, they say.

What if that was never a trait to be encompassed by that one?


You’ve only one life to live, why make it as unhappy as you do?



Remember who you found among those winding streets and chilly frosts of air that stemmed from your chuckles as you gasped and laughed. Remember who you decided to leave behind – not by choice, but by another taking the reins for you. Remember.

Stray far from that person who used to be overtaken by so many fears and anxiety. Forget those that wrapped their hands around your lungs. Persevere. Strive. Smile. Move forward. No, even run.

Jump and feel those wings lift you higher and higher up. Away from that which bound you before and realize you aren’t the same; and will never be again. Because you chose our Father. You choose, everyday – to let Him lead your every step. There is certainty in what He decides, and that is where your calming heart is planted.

Dam Square

The Glass Mask 

Do you think that a real glass mask exists in this world? Masks are supposed to cover faces, but this one’s transparent.

Someone once told me this:

The reason why people draw landscapes is to preserve it. If it was someone who knew nothing other than working with glass – wouldn’t he also make whatever he wanted to preserve, in glass?

If it’s a glass mask, then … [he] wanted to preserve someone’s face?

Is it possible to preserve anything in this world? From dust we were created, and to dust we shall return. Memories, happiness, people – ultimately there is nothing that one can do that will be able to preserve anything that they want to.

Isn’t it funny? I wanted to preserve you in the photos I took. But I do not think it to be possible as even if I did, you still disappeared from my memories with time; and from yours, me.


Swirling everywhere I go

I’ve never really perceived myself as being pessimistic; nor sarcastic (at least not overly). Recently though, I’ve realized the loss of genuine-ness in my actions and thoughts. Maybe it is because this semester is so different than the others.

My list of commitments and duties seemingly grow day by day, never getting shorter. Even with the ticking off of completed tasks and accomplishments. This busy-ness that I’ve never really grown accustomed to, it sometimes does swallow you whole, doesn’t it?

Though however ambitious or confident in my path I may seem at times, I’ve always had the thought of falling back on the comfortable and familiar. Being somewhere and doing the things that I could dream of doing – in my dreams. Because though I’ve never shared, when living, I never have the time to truly devote on those whom I wish I could just spend unlimited time with.

Unlimited time. Isn’t that rather ironic? How our society now tries to schedule and clutter one’s own life with a million and one commitments, all for the hope of being able to live comfortably, at an early age; retired and happy.

I reminiscence a lot nowadays. Seeing little kids walking to school; seeing them walk with their families, seemingly without a care. Seeing them roll down the many hills that litter my institution, and not realizing having the time to do so – is precious. Valuable in of itself because once one ages, they do not deem these interactions and leisure as worthy to even devote an ounce of effort to. Quite sad actually.

As you have said:

People’s hearts can’t change like a calendar, just because a month has passed.

Yearn to be like Him

This past week has been extremely tough for me. It just seems as if I want to stuff infinitely many events, meetings, and fun times out with friends into non-existential hours of time that I only have. I am unraveling myself, oh so thin it feels. To the point of where I may wake up from a 10 hour sleep feeling as if I had just finished pulling an all-nighter.

Like one of my close friends has frequently told me. I put a tremendous amount of pressure on myself. Wanting to achieve this set of prestigious grades to end up on the President’s Honour Roll, of wanting to cram as many commitments and volunteer opportunities into my schedule because I want to build that flawless resume, and even wanting to build a desirable and beautiful community for my sisters at my Church. All this planning and time being spent into wanting to perfect a schedule that God will truly be proud of – it’s making me feel as if I have a million lego blocks in my bucket that I am using to sculpt my life; but seemingly, feeling as if I am drowning rather than enjoying, in the rainbow collectiveness of colours.

I want to do all this and more, because I believe that the more that I do, the greater the sense of purpose I feel for this life of mine. The more time I can spend in building and mending the friendships that I have. The happier and more joyous memories I can accumulate for this Summer that I had envisioned to be the best of the best.

This morning, I was a crybaby once again. I always do this one quirk of mine where when I go in front of our Lord, I reflect on the past week’s happenings. I think (oh I do this way too much!) about whether it was a worthwhile week. Did I do what I wanted to? Did I accomplish all that I had set about within my mind? Did I uphold all the promises and commitments that I had taken upon myself? Was I the best I could have been? On many weeks, I was proud of what I had decided to devote my time to. On the odd weeks, I had felt sad, guilty, and shameful. Not progressing as much as I had hoped. Of not being there within the midst of my Father regularly; seeking His shelter and warmth in growing spiritually.

Today, I had felt the deepest of lows in a while. This feeling of being very unforgiving towards myself of not being the daughter I had set out for myself within the course of this Summer. “Why?” I would question myself countless times and over. What was it that had made my time disappear to the point of oblivion? The time that I wanted to devote to my Father, they seemingly became filled with priorities that I somehow had to do, and God became second.

To relinquish control of my time and my desires. To not have to hold myself accountable, each and every day – to some cause without reason. I had felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of my repentances. But God, I pray. Would you take them away and give me a clear head in distinguishing what is important, what is not, and being rational to really commit time into that which you have assigned purpose and belonging to; truly cultivating it to become something worthy that I am to surrender to you.

God, you are wonderfully amazing. Beautifully merciful, and I am proud to be a Child of God who will relentlessly yearn for your passions to consume me in becoming one like you. 

Be Silly


God My Saviour

I have found another song in which I was moved to tears. I have at times, when I come before our Lord – felt ashamed, guilty, lost, confused, and a whole array of emotions in which I feel unworthy to stand before Him. It is not that I have committed a slew of sins, but rather that I have kept him in the background of some of my decisions; rather than the forefront in which we should aim for.

He is my favourite. In this world and in the Heavens. I cannot dream of spending eternity with anyone else. But what is it about certain people I meet in my time here on earth where they captivate me to such lengths, that I become someone else. A different person in my values, beliefs, words, actions – in that instant, I have become someone else. Mostly, it is for the worse, and not for the better.

I know I am to keep our Father as my compass. As the True North for whatever it is that I decide to take on – He knows what is right. Because he sees and is the will, the way, my everything.

But I am thankful. For in the times of when I was at my lowest, I have met people whom God has put into my life to shepherd me and my decisions. They have given me honest thoughts and words that I only gather confidence and wisdom from. And I know it was because of Him, that I was to meet them at that time. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. And I have come to realize, life cannot only be filled with happy moments – because without those lows, we cannot truly put our faith to works, in overcoming obstacles, challenges, despair, and hurt.

Help me O Lord, to take whatever wounds or hurts I may have in life, and just lower them into your hands. Help me to not fret, worry, cry, frustrate – because those are all useless, when you are the one who holds what is to come, in just the pinky of your hands.

I thank the Lord for being there for me when I needed Him most. And to help me realize that in those moments when I am weary and tired, He is there comforting me to see – all that He has prepared for me, if I am to open my eyes and see.

His love on the line for us – day by day He is there and guiding us patiently with his mercy, grace, humbleness, and beautiful and whole, love.