the last time of shr

You were someone that I’ve never forgotten. Ever, in the midst of life’s hustle and bustle. You always managed to swim to the forefront of my thoughts, my dreams, my worries.

You are someone whom I look up to, both physically, mentally, and emotionally. I wanted you, as much as the little ones look forward to meeting Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus, on Christmas Eve. I wanted you, more than many of the other prayers I’ve hunted for in my life. I wanted you, more than I had looked forward to that first trickle of snow; that first snowfall of each season.

Thankful for the time we spend together. Me, just a bit more interesting than you. And you, a bit more timid and careful than I can ever be. The words we exchange, I won’t reminiscence on. There’s too much in life to achieve, attain, surpass, and ultimately – to take those steps, it requires concentrated focus.

I once placed my ambition on you. Wanting to be the one beside you, walking down those halls and those steps.

南山南 – 如果天黑之前来得及

我要忘了你的眼睛

穷极一生,做不完一场梦

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What You Remind Me Of

“I saw you as a nice and pretty girl”.

It’s funny how sometimes what others say, can have an enormous impact on you.

I remember the first time I met you. You came, as if the wind had blown you in. Hair was disheveled, with a lopsided scowl on your face. You did not seem as if you wanted to be there; but were instead forced to.

Your voice is young. The words you use were coarse, but truthful. You encouraged us to try our best. And when the time approached – you disappeared just a few seconds tad of early.

I wanted you to be mine. I was glad, because I had you with me. I didn’t see much of anything, except through the eyes of you.

But sometimes, what we forget is that love is Him. He gave us everything in exchange for our love. But we didn’t carry through. And yet, time and time again, He forgives. He forgives because He loves us enough; and even more.

I believe I am weak when it comes to lust. I am weak when it involves my emotional side in taking over the logical side of myself. I miss you when I am happy. I miss you when I am sad. And I especially miss you when I am lonely.

But why depend on earthly beings to satisfy our loneliness, lack of happiness, and fill the void of our sadness? Humans at times, can be too in touch with their emotional lack of fulfillment – to the point of where they forget where they came from; of what love is. Who it is.

A prosodiac. A coffee addict. How opposite they can be.

A new beginning.

God My Saviour

I have found another song in which I was moved to tears. I have at times, when I come before our Lord – felt ashamed, guilty, lost, confused, and a whole array of emotions in which I feel unworthy to stand before Him. It is not that I have committed a slew of sins, but rather that I have kept him in the background of some of my decisions; rather than the forefront in which we should aim for.

He is my favourite. In this world and in the Heavens. I cannot dream of spending eternity with anyone else. But what is it about certain people I meet in my time here on earth where they captivate me to such lengths, that I become someone else. A different person in my values, beliefs, words, actions – in that instant, I have become someone else. Mostly, it is for the worse, and not for the better.

I know I am to keep our Father as my compass. As the True North for whatever it is that I decide to take on – He knows what is right. Because he sees and is the will, the way, my everything.

But I am thankful. For in the times of when I was at my lowest, I have met people whom God has put into my life to shepherd me and my decisions. They have given me honest thoughts and words that I only gather confidence and wisdom from. And I know it was because of Him, that I was to meet them at that time. God works in mysterious ways sometimes. And I have come to realize, life cannot only be filled with happy moments – because without those lows, we cannot truly put our faith to works, in overcoming obstacles, challenges, despair, and hurt.

Help me O Lord, to take whatever wounds or hurts I may have in life, and just lower them into your hands. Help me to not fret, worry, cry, frustrate – because those are all useless, when you are the one who holds what is to come, in just the pinky of your hands.

I thank the Lord for being there for me when I needed Him most. And to help me realize that in those moments when I am weary and tired, He is there comforting me to see – all that He has prepared for me, if I am to open my eyes and see.

His love on the line for us – day by day He is there and guiding us patiently with his mercy, grace, humbleness, and beautiful and whole, love.

Passing of the Times

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Often times, life passes you by, and you never really end up noticing this loss.

Interaction of human relationships: friendships, acquaintances, loved ones, spouses, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, old and new ones; they’re what bring the connectivity and warmth that humans claim to be their own.

Life usually has too many things happening all at once. We never truly stop and see what’s around us.

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Do you see? Do you notice? Do you care? Water droplets gliding off those black toed shoes as they pace quickly though the rainfall. The little kid squealing with delight at the sight of the hilarious clown. What about that woman whom only has herself to keep company every night? Or the child who struggles to find a place of shelter and food every night? Do you understand?
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Go to the shorelines of beaches and lakes. Breathe in the air that is so different from city air. Without the smog, without the second-hand carcinogens. Just pure, clean, untainted air that we grew up with and slowly changed our bodies with each breath we took in.

Do you notice? Those without freedom. Without love. Without hope. Without that drive that implicitly keeps all of us going. Though some of us may not realize it until that one moment in life, we are all moving to hopefully end up attaining that one thing we desire most. The journey is ultimately what it is about. It is never the destination.

Tune In

Almost 2 months of this new year has past. So many things have happened so far. Most of them I would be proud and happy in saying I am glad that they had taken place. I see so many of my friends and family achieving great things; inspiring and being inspired in all that they do.

There have been struggles and worry, definitely. Would life not be life without free will and uncertainty? The many things in life that make us disappointed and joyous, go hand-in-hand. Always chasing, always running; it seems that time will stop for no one. And it doesn’t, really.

Upon meeting the people I did over the course of this new year, I have come to appreciate my strengths and weaknesses. As no one is perfect, we all have faults that we share with others, whom can hopefully lift us up when we need it most.

Never to take advantage of those whom lend you a helping hand. But always to pay the hand forward.

A truly beautiful image of purple flowers. There are like these that sway in the wind, following the beating of their own steps, never falling into that of someone else. Unique and special, in their own way. 

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Giddy

“Can you believe that happened today?”

“No, I still can’t.”

Those days where one starts off rushed, flustered, and just utterly defeated. Tiredness encompassing every muscle, running and hopping from foot to foot just hoping to not get swept by the wave to the side where all is lost.

I once read somewhere that those whom find utter happiness in life never, ever, search for it. Instead they simply let life flow through them; through their fingertips, their smiles, their bright eyes, their love-filled words, and their every step. They don’t base their existence on the relationships that have blossomed, but rather have them as an accessory to their day and joy.

Will I possibly have more time with you soon? I know for some they absolutely dislike it when they are directly asked questions; I hope that’s not true for you. I love asking and prodding for people’s perspectives of life and past experiences. Everyone holds something unique and endearing as their story.

The quirky voice; in some ways, very similar to mine. Those eyes, and the stature.

I don’t think I will ever get tired nor bored.

Coldplay – Ghost Stories [Art]

Coldplay - Ghost Stories [album art]

I can’t say that we have much fate. But seeing your head bob among the masses of others whom swarm the trains and hallways, I’m filled with tingles. Maybe it’s that lopsided smile which you display only to those whom know you best; I’m lucky I got to see it in that one second before you coyly shied away.
I only wonder at the stories which you have accumulated until now. But like the stars in the sky, they disappear without any trace of ever having been.