The love that I may one day possess, it does not necessarily need to be beautiful or wonderful, I only ask that it be true. True for you and I. Binding us together, for all eternity.
I was reminded by a dear friend today of something very important. Morals of life always seem to pop out at me at the weirdest and yet, coincidently, important times. I thank her for this wisdom which she bestowed upon me.
Why make life difficult? Why make it stressful for oneself when you can bathe in happiness, without it even being of your control? Why must you exert control over everything you touch or see? Is it worth the misery of wondering “what-ifs” and “however’s”?
Let me to let you be happy. To be fortunate in all that you do. But let our paths align for as long as it possibly can. I think you are one amazing being, and with the smiles you direct at others, it is a blessing to have known you personally.
Let us be of who we were of once. To the good old days when we were innocent and kind, gentle yet firm, and also curious but present. Let us dwell in the times of innocence. Gentleness. Reminiscence of vowels. Reminiscence of sounds.
Have you heard this before?
So much frustration is on my mind right now. It honestly seems as if I’ve become one of those I’ve only read, or heard of before. You know those people whom never say no to anything, or promise to do whatever you ask them to? I feel as if I’ve succumbed to becoming one of “those”. It can be rather frustrating sometimes. I feel as if I have no time to myself or even to be with my Father. Time that I want to set aside to blog, to do my devotionals, to just do what I love, to be with who I want. I’m so tired.
Maybe this post can be seen as a sad post. As it is filled with my complaints and also anger as I express my thoughts from the past week. Of deadlines looming. Of marks being received. Of people’s expectations falling flat, or being set too high. There’s just too much that I have to be accountable for. Unfortunately, that was the image I built for myself over the years.
One of the bravest things I’ve done over the course of this year so far was talking to you 🙂 I am still rather giddy about it and cannot believe I had the courage or strength to do so. I believe it was the Holy Spirit that was within me to allow the words I’ve wanted to tell you since Day One I saw you, to flow through me.
Unfortunately, do we have much to talk about? No, I do not think so. Although at times, I believe we do favour and desire each other’s company. However, the lack of chemistry or history is still rather blatant in the silences that fill the air between us. My questions are prodding at times. You still seem to want to answer them wholeheartedly.
But I feel as if this is not how friendships are developed. The strain and also the worry of wanting to not disappoint the other is … disappointing in itself. And even learning that you are not what I thought you to be, I was extremely giddy to learn that you were at the event on a Sunday. You surprised me. The Lord did answer my prayers. I would want to know how the event went for you.
I feel as if my blog posts are incomprehensible for those whom do not know the foreground knowledge that comes within my posts. Just know, I would give anything in the world for us to work. You have currently become my most favouritest person in this world, thus far.
Hi y’all 🙂
It’s honestly been too long since I’ve written a post from the heart; too long since I’ve had time to myself and not be consumed by any one thing; too long since I’ve been so free; so open.
This may turn into a really long post filled with numerous errors, rambles, and ultimately, words that scare me as you read them on your screen. Deep down, I’ve never really been one to open up completely to someone. Well, I’ve always had my spiritual Father who I would say every and anything to. My deepest, darkest, happiest, saddest moments, I had relinquished onto Him. Not because I felt it was a burden that I had to get off my chest. No, it was because I wanted Him to know everything about me – everything that was going on in my life, why I felt this way about that, and whether I could see anything after today. He was my pillar of strength. He was what I held onto as hope everyday.
He has a plan for us. His will for us is the path we are supposed to walk upon. Knowing that there exists a path created only for us, a special path that no one else walks upon, rejoicing and praising Him along the way – I am glad. I am joyous. I am free. I am thankful. There are so many emotions whenever I hold onto this hope being what it is true, that I take each day as it comes.
I do not believe that I have to find another to share this life with. There have been numerous sermons where I have heard the message along the lines of: “You will find someone to spread the Word with. They will be with you along this journey on Earth. They will love the same things you do and you both will glorify His name together”. But there have also been instances where I was told: “No, you will be fine by yourself. You do not need your other half to live life. Glorifying our Father by yourself is also acceptable.” I do not have a preference for either. I believe that whatever happens, it is His plan for us. I have never placed utmost trust in any single human being on Earth because I am still that one who does not completely trust anyone, except our Father. In him, I believe and will always believe everything – without proof, evidence, logic – for He is everything to me. My faith is built on Him alone. Irrational and illogical to some, I know it is in my heart that He is true. He is the truth.
I have gone through periods in my life where I am often fascinated by an object of interest. It has never occurred to me how my interest was captured. But I feel it was somehow meant to be. It just happened.
I wish that somehow we could meet. Somehow I or you could strike up a conversation with the other. Often, the mysteriousness or uncertainty of one seems to limit what the other can do. The hint of a smirk and the twinkling eyes – they draw me in deep. What I would do to even know a bit more about you. What I would give, to learn of your hometown. Where you grew up within a population only a tenth of what I grew up within. What were your most memorable moments moving here? What do you like to eat? Where do you like to take walks? What would you look for in a friend? Even the simplest of questions – what is your favourite colour?
I often believe I think too much and ask too many questions. A fellow I had come to know over the past 7 months had once told me, I often ask questions that I already know the answer to – but I ask it anyway.
Is this the result of wanting to talk to you more? Is it wanting to know more about you that drives me to keep prodding?
I wish I could meet you.
One day. Someday. I look forward to us.